Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Tool Chart

I cannot take all the credit for this flawless system of determing whether or not boys are date material or not. In one of our multiple senior years of college, Vicky & I (with some help and inspiration from CarrotTop) came up with this brilliant system of [somewhat] objectively determing whether boys were simply worth it or not.
All too often, girls will have blinders on whilst dating and no matter how many times their friends tell them 'he's a tool', she will continue on in a relationship with a boy whom she will later be disgusted by the fact that she even went out with once. Or, maybe she is unsure about the guy and needs to weigh the pros and cons. Well, here is the unbeatable system of determining if you really have found Mr. Right.
And while I personally think this criteria is universal and infallible, some may change the categories of the tool chart to fit their own preferences. Be warned however, trying to change the tool chart criteria while in the relationship often means you've got a case of the blinders, and you're just trying to rationalize. Think about it.
Simply fill out the columns and add up the points, it's that simple.
[These are real examples, actual names have been omitted for privacy and shame prevention]
And a little tool chart guide for you:
20+ = TOOL CITY- what were you thinking!?
12+ = DUMP HIM
6-12 = VAMOS A VER
0-6 = MARRY HIM!

Mr. A

Mr. B

Mr. C

Mr. D

Mr E

Mr F

Not From CA (3) +2 provo

3

1

3

Uses word "Cali" (3)

3

3

3

Red Head (2-5)

2

5

2

Not Funny (3)

2

3

3

3

Self-Centered (3)

3

3

3

2

Jerk/Ignoring (3)

3

3

Shirtless Pics (3)

2

3

3

Too Forward (3)

3

3

3

Dumb (3)

3.5

3

(scores pending)

Not Sports Fans (2)

2

Too Short (3)

1.5

3

Clingy (3-7)

7

Misc Toolish Bhvr (1-5)

4

3

5

Runing Totals:

19.5

7.5

20

9

18

27


You're Welcome.

{I wonder if PT school will accept this as my Masters Thesis?}

6 comments:

s a r a h said...

Brilliant. Masters thesis material right here. Women have been trying to do this for centuries. Thanks SuperMelanie for freeing the women of the world from tools such as Mr A, Mr C, and Mr F. *salute*

veronica and alden said...

this is genius. thank you for sharing credit with me, but you were the true tool scientist. also, i need a reminder who mr. a, b, c, d and f were could you go ahead and e-mail me that? thx

Josh and Tiff said...

hahahhaha. you are correct. this is fail proof. I would like to add, "has no style and sometimes wears jean on jean (100)"

Anonymous said...

some suggestions:
1)i would like to offer some changes to Mr F's score, as some are not longer pending. 0 for redhead. 3 for dumb. 1.5 for too short.
2)can we add a category for thinking he can have whatever woman he wants?
3)can we also add one for manwhore?
Thank you,
The Management

melissa said...

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA i am DYING right now. thank you thank you thank you

Meredith Conroy said...

this is good. sheesh.